My little puppylove, she always manage to make my day nomatter how mad,sad,bitchy I might be.
Love you crazy.


I've been thinking pretty much lately, I don't really know what I think about you yet. If you came into my life a year ago I would be head over heels for you, but as of right now I just don't know. I like spending time with you I truly do, but when we're apart I don't think about you that much.
But even if you don't rule every thought I have I still have this unsettled feeling. I think I long for you in my subconscious.
What I simply is trying to say is, I miss you. I get this longing feeling every time we say goodbye, that must mean something right?
But it's not just longing, I have this bad feeling that I shouldn't trust you completely.
I really hope it goes away.

I'm done.

I fucking hate how you always take me for granted. I always have to guard you and take care of all your dirty work. Without me everything around you would die. Yes I said it.
You put yourself on a pedestal, you are so full of yourself. And I can't really understand how in the hell you can't see that?
Let me tell you something, I'm not doing this shit for you, okay! I'm doing it because I KNOW IT HAS TO BE DONE!
But from now on I quit, you have to do it all by yourself.
Ha, you're in for a ride....


One thing that inspire me every day is music.
It may sound cliché, but in my case it is true.
For the risk of sounding totally pathetic, music is my savior.
And to all musicians out there, remember one thing.
You are someones hero.
You may save a life with the string of your guitar.


My savior is justin vernon, and he doesn't even know it. But I thank you stranger.


I suppose that's the secret, if you're ever wishing for things to go back to the way they were.
You just have to look up.

Before I Fall- page 206

Just a few lines of words can be so powerful, beautiful.
It's from a book I just read. It's absolutely wonderful.
I am deeply touched, feeling emotional and want to kiss the dead leafs on the ground.
I am greatful of life- and terrified.
I don't wanna miss a thing. I don't want to say goodbye to the way the branches lighty swing from naked trees. I don't want to say goodbye to the way the school cafeteria smells like old meat and sweat.
I don't want to say goodbye to the way my sister look in the morning, young and innocent.
Read Before I Fall, it will feel like a filter has been picked from your eyes.

I learned to never take life for granted. Never.

my drugs


Hey Rosetta!- Yer spring

Telekinesis- Dirty Thing

As Tall As Lions- Song for Luna

Telekinesis- Awkward Kisser

The Kills- Last Day Of Magic


You are loved.
Never forget that.

Real love is selfless love.

When we become one, how does it feel?

Fragile love is selfish love.

"'And I pray one prayer--I repeat it till my tongue stiffens--Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living; you said I killed you--haunt me, then! The murdered DO haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts HAVE wandered on earth. Be with me always--take any form--drive me mad! only DO not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I CANNOT live without my life! I CANNOT live without my soul!'"
- Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights, Ch. 16

Crush into me


There's no better feeling in this world than the feeling the warmth of someone else body crush into you.


People say you will feel the most alive when you found true love.
i don't believe that.
I believe the moment in life you will feel the most alive is when you lose something or someone who truly mattered to you.
Losing something is far worse than gaining something.
In that moment you will feel every emotion this world can name, and a few we haven't named yet. You will relive the good times, the bad times.
What will cut your heart the deepest is the knowledge of never getting more good or bad times with this person. In this moment you will for sure know you are alive.
It's a tragic way of seeing life in, but it's sadly true.
Unbearably true.

Speak the untold language

Because I just wanna throw my hands up and be apart of the symphony of the crowd.


We all like to believe our lifes are like a circle. That there is more life than just the one we live now, it is a little like recycling- we live, we die, we become something else.

This is our belief, it's the root of every religion, sect or faith. We want to believe we have a higher purpose than just being blood and flesh. We all want more- a second change, a second time around. Make a difference or just live.
I believe in reincarnation, not religion. I just know deep down there is something more for us. It's not logical- it's just is. And I think that's the point, if you believe in something strong enough it will come true.

I believe in karma, not forgiveness. I don't think we should long for forgiveness and when we get it everything is okay. I believe true forgiveness comes from change- you can't change the past so let it be, change the future because changing for the better is really the only thing that can truly forgive.
All people make mistakes, that is what makes us human.

No matter how many bad decisions you make my belief is that what matters is how clear your heart is when you leave. The only thing that truly matter is who you are behind all those mistakes- that is the person you take with you in the next life.
That's what will decide whom you will be.

Want romance? - read a book.

We all want love, because we know love itself is worth every sacrifice in this world.
Why do we rather have a love that only takes us halfway than nothing at all? Why do we settle for anything less than everything?
When did we become realists and stop being dreamers?

We live in a materialist world, we overconsume everything.
We twist and turn and bend things that actually matter into something it's not. We treat love as common and replaceable, like a cereal brand.

But love is not common- it's beautiful and fragile. I miss the time when art and love mattered. I miss smart strong artists like Emily Brontë, Jane Austen and Shakespeare.
They knew the art of love.
They knew the real feeling of love swelling over you, they knew about heartbreaks.
They knew the most important thing to know about love; That no heartbreak could ever break love.
I most miss the feeling of honest love, we all seem to have lost that along with our hearts in these lives we live now.

I rather have nothing, than something I know is wrong.
I really wish I had something true.

Lightning in the water

Sometimes life can feel like a strom.
You drift out at sea and those high waves keep pulling you under.
Do not panic, there is nothing to fear, you can soothe the waves, make them swell calm on the surface- you can glide as a butterfly above the water.

Because it is only you who created the chaos, only you can solve it. So save yourself a swim for your life and make the sea cool as a purring kitten.

If what doesn't kill us makes us stronger,
fuck, then I must be superman.

I dare you to be yourself.

Sometimes people are beautiful.
Not in looks.
Not in what they say.
Just in what they are.

I am tired of people complaining about their looks. They are not thin enough, don't have a perfect straight nose, high cheekbones.
We all want to be Megan fox. Guess what?
She didnt always look like that, the perfect girl you all talk about wasn't so perfect once. She was just like you, not thin enough, didn't have a perfect straight nose, high cheekbones.
She changed herself, and became the girl you all love. She still changes little things about herself, and my guess is that it's because of you. She is just as insecure as all of you are- she will never be happy about how she look.
So please don't wish to look like Megan.
A straight nose is just boring- a crooked broken nose is interesting and characteristic.
You shouldnt let people who loves stupid boring perfect things get you down, those people don't have an IQ over 45.
Love yourself for the imperfect person you are. People who wants to look like plastic can start a union, and all other smart, wonderful broken noses out there can be happy-together.

Bleed for love.

Love is overrated.
It is a strong thing sure, but still it always burn- on good and bad.
Love can make your heart feel three times too big- make your brain work overtime on analyzing everything.
Love can make you feel weightless, give you wings.
Love can make your heart burn in endless fire, rip out you insides and leave you hollow. Make your brain work overtime on analyzing everything.
Love can make you feel heavy as a mountain, dig your grave.
I am so tired of hearing that love is the only thing that ever will matter in our world. We all worship love as if it is a God, and it's not. We devote our lifes to love, we live for love- we die for love.
And my question is, why?

Love gives us hope and make us feel more than life, and when it has us in it's tight grip love just let us go. Love betrays us, every time. Why doesnt anyone see that- why are we all so blind?
We write endless songs about love, new love, old love, lost love, true love. Every piece of art in this world are devoted to love. The crazy part is, songs of lost love even holds hope in it. We never give up, do we?
Why not just admit it- love can't save the world.
We can live a happy life, without love.
But we will never let ourselves try- never has never will.

Darkness and a full moon

Some days my life feels like a starless night. The moon are still there, the big light who keeps me fighting.
But the sparks of directions are lost, and I just keep wandering in the darkness, and that big light above me have no meaning at all.
This kind of days my life is so hard, because I can't see up at the night sky and look at you. The sky you live in, my father. When you died people told me you were somewhere better, somewhere in peace. So I came to the conclusion you were up there in that blue sky looking over me. At day you hide behind the coulds, but at night when those thousands twinkle lights come to life so do you. And at night you can see me and I you.
I always believed this, everyday since you left this earth.
Those stars are your eyes watching out for me, so tonight I feel so lonely Dad, because I don't see sparks up there, just darkness and a big moon.
I miss you, forever. 

dear friend

I miss you, friend.
When I think of you I know I will never find someone quite like you. And because of that I know you will always be in my life, in some way.
When I think of you and me I see buliding snow tunnels in pink overalls, drinking hot chocolate and getting our tongues burned. Freaking out, writing silly songs and recording them on your cell. Staying up all night watching Wanye's World and the next day in school wispering funny lines to eatchother "Wanye's world, Waney's world. Party time, Excellent!" only we understood the meaning of it, and it was fine.
I miss having you around, I miss you, because you are the only person who know me to the core. All my secrets,fears and favorite movies.
When I faced the worst thing that ever happened to me five months ago I wanted you to be there, I wanted to run home to you and we would lay in your bed and listen to cassette tapes. You would get my favorite silk quilt, and let me lay there, let me cry it all out until I would not have more tears to spill. You would stay there beside me through it all.
But I could not run home to you. You were to so far away, one long bus ride and a three hour farry to be exact.
When the rush of shock blew over, and when I could breath again I called you. The first words I said to you was the first time I opened my mouth since the scream. Hearing your voice broke everything, all the numbness I had felt shattered. How you talked to me made me miss you even more, you were in shock too but you handled it so well.
I wanted to be in your bed with the silk quilt, taking night walks, sit by the water and cry. You would cry with me so I would feel less alone, because that's how we are.
I want to cry and laugh with you again, not just on the phone.
my dear best friend.

Frozen ground I stand apon

I feel that something is missing. And do not want to remind myself.
Remind myself of you.
Because it is you, when you left you ripped out my insides. Leaving me hollow, empty.
Time goes by without you, who long has it been? five months? maybe even six?
I hardly rememeber the shape of you face when you smiled. I saw you everyday for four years, and still you were not strong enough to imprint in my mind. Or maybe I was stronger, stronger of shutting you out.
You did the darkest crime of all, you betrayed me. You made me look like a fool, I hate the way you left me so helpless. Everytime someone mention something that can relate to you I feel the scar inside me rip open cutting me at the edges, and it gets worse every single day.
I just want the thoughts inside my mind to shut up, please leave me in peace, but they won't. At the tick of the clock new thoughts of you hunts my mind. I want to stop thinking, and I hate you for it. My mind has always been a place were I can drift away free and let my imagination get the best of me. Not now, not after you left, and I hate you for it. Thinking of you is like sticking a knife into my heart over and over.
Mostly I hate you for the fact that I still love you my friend.
You be foreverly missed.

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